the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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