census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
