I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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