Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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