if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
