Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
