If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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