Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
