There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
