No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
