We're like a lot better than the average bears
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
