shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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