HIV tests are more positive than that guy
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
