My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
