ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
