I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
