pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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