Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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