That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
