Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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