I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
