I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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