you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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