it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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