You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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