I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
