I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
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The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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