i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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