Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
