The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
