Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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