My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
