I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
