If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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