Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
