Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
