Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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