I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
