he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
