Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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