I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
