i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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