i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
