i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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