Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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