so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think your dad took our porno
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
