Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
