Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
