I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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