just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
