I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
