GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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