jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
