GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
