i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
