I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize