census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
