His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
