We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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