There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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