You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
