It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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