I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize