she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
