You're completely useless in the revolution.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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